“…what in the hell does ‘in too deep’ mean anyway?! Quite frankly, I’ve been in over my head a time or too and somehow managed to make it out alive, so ‘too deep’ really doesn’t seem all that terrible when you think about it.” –M. Rinell
“The check didn’t come in the mail today… but don’t freak out, we will make this work.” The day before we were hitting the road for Vegas, I headed out to the mailbox for the check we had been waiting for. We had just enough cash to cover our basic expenses, but nothing (and I DO mean nothing) extra for food, gas or any emergencies. The check should have been there the day prior, so I was certain it would be waiting for me… it was not. With clammy hands I painfully text Eric to let him know we had a difficult road ahead. For me, this meant I wasn’t going to get a part of my equipment that I was desperately needing. The purchase has been pushed off three times by this point, simply due to unforeseen circumstances… to say I was feeling less than adequate is an understatement.
Immediately my Inner Mean Girls took over; “What are you going to do hitch hike to Vegas?” “This is all your fault, you can’t ever do anything right!” and the biggest lie of them all, “It’s a sign, this is all a big mistake, you better give up now before you are in too deep.” Can I just stop for a second and say, what in the hell does ‘in too deep’ mean anyway?! Quite frankly, I’ve been in over my head a time or too and somehow managed to make it out alive, so ‘too deep’ really doesn’t seem all that terrible when you think about it. Anyway back to my meanies. So they are chatting away telling me how miserable I am, and life is, and we’re going to be, and blah blah spiraling out of control when I am able to catch myself doing this sabotage and ask for help. Now here’s where it happens right… that big breakthrough moment, where someone comes to my rescue...? NOPE! It’s absolute insanity for me to assume this moment is ever going to happen, because it never does. Nothing, and I mean nothing happens. I am begging for a reason to keep going… looking, listening for an email or text or ANYTHING to help me out of this bind I’m in… when I start looking outward I get crickets people. It’s not always cut and dry when it comes to following your heart… BUT (and this is a big ass but) our Inner Wisdom knows what path is best regardless of the obstacles. Mine also knows I happen to be a bull-headed badass that is extremely skilled at (and not a bit afraid of) suffering. To stop my inner mean girls from complete sabotage I frantically started writing down all the reasons why this was a good decision, why this was going to be what I needed (even though I had no idea what ‘what’ was!) I added in a ‘grace’ column, because the more you acknowledge grace, the more you will experience it.
We left for Vegas with a full tank of gas that may or may-not get us there, a cooler with melting ice we couldn’t afford to replace, a major lack of equipment, and $42.67 between the two of us to last us 3 days... Strange thing is… we made it. We didn’t complain or stress about the bullshit we were dealt; we simply shut up, put up, and got shit done. It wasn’t fun, and stung a little watching other people enjoy themselves as if they didn’t have a care in the world.. but we DID it, and we are better, stronger, and wiser as a result.. because we will NOT be doing that again. LOL
As luck would have it, the check showed up the very next day. Well played Murphy… well played.
#mjsmotophotos #endurocross #endurance
August 21st, 2017
Find the full album Here: EnduroCross
Or follow the link at the bottom of the page.